What are you craving?

those who hunger should eat. yup. those who thirst should drink. mhmm. seems like a no brainer right? so here's another phrase to complete: those who hurt, are lost/confused, lied to. what should they do? people might fill in the last part of this sentence with very different answers. but here's my 'no brainer' answer: they should find solace and truth in the LORD. yadigg?!!

life is hard and there are many times where we find ourselves wandering in the dark, but healing comes where you find christ. I do not say this because it's a Christian thing to say. I don't want to sound religious. but I say this because I truly believe he is the hope of our lives. he restores where there has been immense pain. he cleanses where there is iniquity. he fills where there are holes. he loves where there is no love. I say this because he's done it for me. he heals us, not just physically, but in areas we never thought were healable. bc he is a REDEEMER. 

we can be mad at him for certain things that have happened in our lives. we may have turned away. we may have lost reason for faith. but let me say this again. he is a redeemer. you always hear of how great he is. so don't give up so easily. though I know it's easy to.

for those who never knew him, maybe you can give him a chance. for those who have and have lost hope, maybe you can give him a 2nd chance. because he IS faithful, and he never wanted to see you go. believe me when i say, he hasn't let go. seek him with a fervent heart and he will not turn his ear from you. or come to him with a less fervent heart. come to him, with all your doubts; broken and confused but still, come. you will find that he is faithful. cause this is the God I know. he loves. and he loves FULLY and unconditionally. there will come a day when he judges, yes it's said in revelations. but for now, he looks at us all the same. he is especially fond of you.. so give him that chance. there's nothing to lose.

-- Isaiah 55, Jeremiah 29:13

Coming to Understand... His Unfathomable Lordship

I made a draft of this blog on August 19, when I had first hurt my leg.  Now, more than a month later, I find myself with the same sentiment: how do you even begin to comprehend God’s lordship, and do I truly believe in it?  

For a month and a half, I went through acupuncture and grueling physical therapy thinking my leg muscle was torn.  I worked out my leg and pushed myself to walk on it, despite the pain, in order to train myself to walk again.  The pain of a muscle rupture was only supposed to last 2 weeks and I was supposed to be walking in 5.  After 6 weeks, I’ve had significant improvement in my leg – being able to walk on crutches, building muscle strength – but the pain was still there and my ability to walk was… stagnant.  With only a week left before school, I visited the doctor to see what’s up.  He asked the usual questions (what happened, how long ago, etc.) and did a couple tests, only to tell me in his 10 years of working, he’s never heard of a case like mine before.  With nothing more on my mind than, “Oh cool… That’s no good,” he sent me to the other room to get x-rays. It turns out my hip has been fractured in a part where my bone was super weak and I need to get surgery to fix it.  It seems like after 6 weeks of progressive healing and hopes of getting better, I’d have to start from the bottom again.

Situations like this might naturally provoke anger and stress.  6 weeks of hearing, “You’ll be fine. You don’t have to go to the doctors,” only to learn you’ve had a misdiagnosis was indeed shocking.  However, I feel that I have come out of this with a new perspective on God’s lordship and perfect plan.

“An Unfathomable Lordship” was originally the title of this blog entry, when I first typed it out 5 weeks ago.  I believe that in the past few days, I have grown to better understand and faithfully submit to this incredible lordship that I was only beginning to unravel the mysteries of 5 weeks ago.

Proverbs 3:5-6 | “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  The latter verses, which caught my attention (as the “healing of leg/bone” part was particularly relevant to me) are, “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”

 
It says trust in the Lord with everything you’ve got, and lean not on your own understanding.  This is easier said than done.  Frankly, as humans it’s hard for us to do.  Without meaning to, we tend to put ourselves on a pedestal, thinking that we’re so wise and that we’ve got everything under control.  We plan out our futures, thinking everything will go as planned, but how often do we seek out the heart of God and his will for our lives when we do this?  If our plans don’t match up with his, our plans can come crashing down any minute; and sometimes that’s what it takes for us to finally humble ourselves and fully rely on him.  He works in ways we can’t even imagine and sometimes it won’t make any sense at all, but that’s why we’re told not to lean on our own understanding.  His ways are higher than our ways; his thoughts are higher than our thoughts.  The wisdom of this world is futile, but we won’t believe this until we believe in his lordship.

Job 10:4-5 | “[Does He] have eyes of flesh? [Does He] see as a mortal sees? Are [His] days like those of a mortal or [His] years like those of a strong man?” 

Job 11:7-9 | “Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.”

These passages struck out at me with this message: you can’t try to understand and judge the ways of God by human standards.  He is in no way comparable to anything we know and understand, and because of this we must submit to him in fear.  Yes, he is a God who loves us but he is also a God with a perfect plan, and sometimes ours won’t match up with his.  We can’t let our own wisdom or our own plans get in the way of his, and we can’t be the god of our own lives.  “Fear the Lord and shun evil; this will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”  I am beginning to understand this more and more.  And when it says “trust in the Lord,” I feel I am able to do this with a new strength and certainty that I haven’t had before.  I have a strange gut feeling that despite my diagnosis and the fear it would usually instill, everything is going to be more than okay.  

Jeremiah 29:11 | “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

Hearing that I have to get surgery may suck, but there is so much more going on beneath the surface than I can even start to make out.  The Lord will be glorified in all this; I even believe that some sort of miracle will come out of this.  Just got this feelin ;)

Fearing the Lord

Thought | “Fearing the lord”

I may fear you, lord. But i do not fear what your love can cover. Your love is greater than my fears of pain and not being able to succeed.

Journal | “Foreshadowing the blessings of perseverance”

Today i probably experienced the most unbearable pain I’ve felt in my life doing an hour of physical therapy on my strained hamstring. I wanted to scream, i wanted to cry but i bit my tongue. My body was sweating. There were plenty of times i wanted to just call it quits. But somehow, i endured. Somehow, i made it out - walking on crutches, being able to lift my leg and hold it up there until i reached my car. The thought that carried me through this experience was "God please. Yes, lord. I can make it. Help me." The thought that carried me out of the clinic was "All that pain was meant to heal my leg. I do have the strength to lift my leg and make it out of here. I'm not just gonna leave here the same i was before - having my foot drag along." Then there was the encouragement and urging/tips from my therapist and my mother: "You're doing good!" "Flex your calf and upper hamstring. Your bottom doesn't need to do anything. Your fear is stopping you from accomplishing this; you should be able to walk out of here.” Basically, let go of your fears and you can run. Letting go of my fears has been a huge topic over the past week [as I've been laying at home being crippled] and over the course of my sophomore year. I talked to grace about the fear of God last night, and my mom has consistently been telling me "Stop worrying. Your fear hinders you from success." these are two different fears. One is reverence and dying to yourself (making yourself nothing) and another is worldly fear based on your own abilities and capacity to overcome something. In the first, you die to yourself, saying you're nothing but flesh and bone, but that god is everything: king of kings, lord of lords - who can surpass his greatness? He can change my life and flip my world upside down in 2 seconds. This God holds the whole world in the palm of his hands. I can't even walk. Yet he is my lord and he leads me. I submit to his leadership and glorious prowess because i am nothing in light of him. He deserves honor and reverence. His name stands high above nations and kingdoms. One day, every nation, tribe, and tongue will bow at his feet. He is ruler and victor of heaven and earth; even hell is subject to his way. We fear the lord because he is higher and we are nothing. In the second type of fear, you stop relying on yourself and you stop worrying about things that were never meant to make you stumble. You can no longer let "i'm not strong enough. What if it hurts, what if i can't do it, what if i'm not qualified" hinder you. But you take a step of faith in christ, who holds you by the arm and guides your every step, making them firm. With christ, you won't be shaken. In this fear, you take the burden and responsibility off yourself and rely on God; this time it's not because he is higher, but because you were never meant to do it alone.

(Proverbs 1, Psalm 34, Psalm 37:23-24, Revelations 7)

Last ponderings | I will fear you because you are sovereign and i am mere flesh and bone. You are well-deserving of reverence and i submit to your leadership because i am nothing compared to you. At the same time, i will not fear a thing because you are my lord and you hold my world in the palm of your hands. It was never up to my own competence to accomplish something, but i was supposed to give it up to you. My reliance is on you. My approach to you will change, our relationship will take a whole new turn, and my attitude towards this world and the trials within it will change.