Coming to Understand... His Unfathomable Lordship

I made a draft of this blog on August 19, when I had first hurt my leg.  Now, more than a month later, I find myself with the same sentiment: how do you even begin to comprehend God’s lordship, and do I truly believe in it?  

For a month and a half, I went through acupuncture and grueling physical therapy thinking my leg muscle was torn.  I worked out my leg and pushed myself to walk on it, despite the pain, in order to train myself to walk again.  The pain of a muscle rupture was only supposed to last 2 weeks and I was supposed to be walking in 5.  After 6 weeks, I’ve had significant improvement in my leg – being able to walk on crutches, building muscle strength – but the pain was still there and my ability to walk was… stagnant.  With only a week left before school, I visited the doctor to see what’s up.  He asked the usual questions (what happened, how long ago, etc.) and did a couple tests, only to tell me in his 10 years of working, he’s never heard of a case like mine before.  With nothing more on my mind than, “Oh cool… That’s no good,” he sent me to the other room to get x-rays. It turns out my hip has been fractured in a part where my bone was super weak and I need to get surgery to fix it.  It seems like after 6 weeks of progressive healing and hopes of getting better, I’d have to start from the bottom again.

Situations like this might naturally provoke anger and stress.  6 weeks of hearing, “You’ll be fine. You don’t have to go to the doctors,” only to learn you’ve had a misdiagnosis was indeed shocking.  However, I feel that I have come out of this with a new perspective on God’s lordship and perfect plan.

“An Unfathomable Lordship” was originally the title of this blog entry, when I first typed it out 5 weeks ago.  I believe that in the past few days, I have grown to better understand and faithfully submit to this incredible lordship that I was only beginning to unravel the mysteries of 5 weeks ago.

Proverbs 3:5-6 | “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  The latter verses, which caught my attention (as the “healing of leg/bone” part was particularly relevant to me) are, “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”

 
It says trust in the Lord with everything you’ve got, and lean not on your own understanding.  This is easier said than done.  Frankly, as humans it’s hard for us to do.  Without meaning to, we tend to put ourselves on a pedestal, thinking that we’re so wise and that we’ve got everything under control.  We plan out our futures, thinking everything will go as planned, but how often do we seek out the heart of God and his will for our lives when we do this?  If our plans don’t match up with his, our plans can come crashing down any minute; and sometimes that’s what it takes for us to finally humble ourselves and fully rely on him.  He works in ways we can’t even imagine and sometimes it won’t make any sense at all, but that’s why we’re told not to lean on our own understanding.  His ways are higher than our ways; his thoughts are higher than our thoughts.  The wisdom of this world is futile, but we won’t believe this until we believe in his lordship.

Job 10:4-5 | “[Does He] have eyes of flesh? [Does He] see as a mortal sees? Are [His] days like those of a mortal or [His] years like those of a strong man?” 

Job 11:7-9 | “Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? They are higher than the heavens above—what can you do? They are deeper than the depths below—what can you know? Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea.”

These passages struck out at me with this message: you can’t try to understand and judge the ways of God by human standards.  He is in no way comparable to anything we know and understand, and because of this we must submit to him in fear.  Yes, he is a God who loves us but he is also a God with a perfect plan, and sometimes ours won’t match up with his.  We can’t let our own wisdom or our own plans get in the way of his, and we can’t be the god of our own lives.  “Fear the Lord and shun evil; this will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”  I am beginning to understand this more and more.  And when it says “trust in the Lord,” I feel I am able to do this with a new strength and certainty that I haven’t had before.  I have a strange gut feeling that despite my diagnosis and the fear it would usually instill, everything is going to be more than okay.  

Jeremiah 29:11 | “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

Hearing that I have to get surgery may suck, but there is so much more going on beneath the surface than I can even start to make out.  The Lord will be glorified in all this; I even believe that some sort of miracle will come out of this.  Just got this feelin ;)